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If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent the universe.”Carl Sagan
“Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!”Unknown
“Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.”Unknown
“100,000 sperm and you were the fastest?”Unknown
“For your information, I would like to ask a question.”Samuel Goldwyn
“The consumer isn't a moron; she is your wife.”David Ogilvy
“Sarcasm: A literary device for identifying the stupid.”Sarcasm Society
“I thank God that you are unique!”Sarcasm Society
“You can be whatever you want; however, in your case you should probably aim low.”Sarcasm Society
“Do something productive. Stop being yourself.”Sarcasm Society
“Don't be humble. You're not that great.”Golda Meir
“If you love someone set them free. If they come back, set them on fire.”George Carlin
“I want either less corruption, or more chance to participate in it.”Ashleigh Brilliant
“Strange as it may seem, my life is based on a true story.”Ashleigh Brilliant
“The time for action is past! Now is the time for senseless bickering!”My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I'm right.”Ashleigh Brilliant
“To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target.”Ashleigh Brilliant
“I can do only one thing at a time, but I can avoid doing many things simultaneously.”Ashleigh Brilliant
“A consensus means that everyone agrees to say collectively what no one believes individually. ”Abba Eban
“His ignorance is encyclopedic. ”Abba Eban
“Better never than late.”George Bernard Shaw
“I would like to take you seriously, but to do so would be an affront to your intelligence.”George Bernard Shaw
“It's easier to replace a dead man than a good picture.”George Bernard Shaw
“Martyrdom: The only way a man can become famous without ability.”George Bernard Shaw
“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”George Bernard Shaw
“Why should we take advice on sex from the pope? If he knows anything about it, he shouldn't!”George Bernard Shaw
“A true friend stabs you in the front.”Oscar Wilde
“I sometimes think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability.”Oscar Wilde
“One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.”Oscar Wilde
“The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast.”Oscar Wilde
Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.”Ashleigh Brilliant
“It's always darkest before it turns absolutely pitch black.”Paul Newman
“It's a catastrophic success.”Stephen Bishop
“I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here.”Stephen Bishop
“History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.”Abba Eban
“No, Groucho is not my real name. I am breaking it in for a friend.”Groucho Marx
“How do you feel about women's rights? I like either side of them.”Groucho Marx
“A man is as young as the woman he feels.”Groucho Marx
“A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.”Groucho Marx
“Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!”Groucho Marx
“If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.”Groucho Marx
“Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.”Groucho Marx
“I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.”Groucho Marx
“I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.”Groucho Marx
“I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.”
I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.”Groucho Marx
“The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced.”Frank Zappa
“The 100% American is 99% idiot.”George Bernard Shaw
“The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.”George Bernard Shaw
“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.”Oscar Wilde
“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”Oscar Wilde
“I am not young enough to know everything.”Oscar Wilde
“Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.”Oscar Wilde
“He was happily married - but his wife wasn't.”Victor Borge
“I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”Mark Twain
“Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.”Mark Twain
“Honesty is the best policy -- when there is money in it.”Mark Twain
“Familiarity breeds contempt -- and children.”Mark Twain
“Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.”Mark Twain
“I would like to live in Manchester, England. The transition between Manchester and death would be unnoticeable.”
I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.”Clarence Darrow
“If you ever become a mother, can I have one of the puppies?”Charles Pierce
“You have delighted us long enough.”Jane Austen
“A modest little person, with much to be modest about.”Winston Churchill
“He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.”William Faulkner
“Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?”Ernest Hemingway
“He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.”Abraham Lincoln
“He is a self-made man and worships his creator.”Irvin S Cobb
“He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.”Forrest Tucker
“He has Van Gogh's ear for music.”Billy Wilder
“The
old system of having a baby was much better than the new system, the
old system being characterized by the fact that the man didn't have to
watch.”Dave Barry
“It is not necesssary to understand things in order to argue about them.”Caron de Beaumarchais
“Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.”Ambrose Bierce
“Love: a temporary insanity, curable by marriage.”Ambrose Bierce
“Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victems he intends to eat until he eats them.”Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.”Drew Carey
“Stay with me; I want to be alone”Joey Adams
“A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.”Steven Wright
“Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand.”Kurt Vonnegut
“When
I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I
realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked
Him to forgive me.”Emo Philips
“If at first you don't succeed, try something easier.”Sarcasm Society
“He never slows down to think; it's too painful to spend times with his own thoughts.”Sarcasm Society
“It's never too late to go wrong.”Sarcasm Society
“The problem with common sense is that most people are morons.”Sarcasm Society
“One of the lessons of history is that Nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say.”Will Durant
“It's a plastic surgeon you need, not a doctor”John Cleese
“Personal experience makes a believer out of anyone; that explains the hordes of evolution deniers.”Sarcasm Society
“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.”Drew Carey
“Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you any worse advice.”
When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I
could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21,
I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.”Mark Twain
“They worship the ground that he walks away from.”Sarcasm Society
“I'm not so good with the advice... Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?”Chandler Bing
“That's okay, honey. I used to believe in things too.”Homer Simpson
“I find it rather easy to portray a businessman. Being bland, rather cruel and incompetent comes naturally to me.”John Cleese
“What have you been reading, the Gospel According to St. Bastard?”Eddie Izzard
“Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.”Seinfeld
“A penny saved is a penny you didn't put in the 'Take a penny, leave a penny' tray, you cheap bastard!”Sarcasm Society
“Absence makes the heart want to fondle other people.”Sarcasm Society
“If you don't read the newspaper, you are uninformed; if you do read the newspaper, you are misinformed.”Mark Twain
“To err is human. To forgive for no good reason is plain stupid.”Sarcasm Society
“It's never too late to go wrong.”Sarcasm Society
“I don't know if God exists, but it would be better for His reputation if He didn't.”Jules Renard
“Everyone knows best; even though everyone knows very little.”Sarcasm Society
“The problem with common sense is that most people are morons.”
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Sarcastic Love Quotes Love Quotes For Him for Her Tagalog Images In Hindi For Husband Photos Images Wallpapers
Sarcastic Love Quotes Love Quotes For Him for Her Tagalog Images In Hindi For Husband Photos Images Wallpapers
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Sarcastic Love Quotes Love Quotes For Him for Her Tagalog Images In Hindi For Husband Photos Images Wallpapers
Sarcastic Love Quotes Love Quotes For Him for Her Tagalog Images In Hindi For Husband Photos Images Wallpapers
Sarcastic Love Quotes Love Quotes For Him for Her Tagalog Images In Hindi For Husband Photos Images Wallpapers
Sarcastic Love Quotes Love Quotes For Him for Her Tagalog Images In Hindi For Husband Photos Images Wallpapers
Sarcastic Love Quotes Love Quotes For Him for Her Tagalog Images In Hindi For Husband Photos Images Wallpapers
Sarcastic Love Quotes Love Quotes For Him for Her Tagalog Images In Hindi For Husband Photos Images Wallpapers
Sarcastic Love Quotes Love Quotes For Him for Her Tagalog Images In Hindi For Husband Photos Images Wallpapers
Love Quotes For Him for Her Tagalog Images In Hindi For Husband Photos Images Wallpapers
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